On Swallowing Bitter Pills

People have several coping mechanisms.

I’m not perfect, definitely not but there are just some things I find very difficult to accept. Like the truth. Why does the truth really have to hurt? I don’t believe that truths are really true because sometimes, they’re just very honest “opinions” of others about you and opinions are not synonymous with truths. Sometimes, they are what others say because they don’t like you but oftentimes, they’re like bitter pills you need to swallow to make you a better person. Truths, no matter how untrue to you they may be, never fail to do just what they were made for and that is to hurt you big-time!

And yes, I’ve been having my doses of bitter pills lately. I feel all my frustrations coming out because of the truths I had to hear— truths I had to accept in order to learn that I make mistakes and that no matter how good I consider myself in that field, there will still be individuals whom I will never satisfy.

I feel so inferior, so incompetent. I feel ashamed of myself but I don’t ever think I will draw blood from my wrists just because somebody tells me things I would [if I had the option] not like to hear. I’m not suicidal and I have good coping mechanisms and one of them is this.

This is a democratic country and thank God it is because if it weren’t I would die keeping my thoughts to myself when all I had to do was simply curse if I had to. I want to shout indecent words right now, words even educated people speak when they have to but I won’t. I won’t because if I do, I might just not be able to forgive myself for acting that way and what’s the use? I can never change your thoughts and by doing so, I might just give you the credit of thinking that I am both incompetent and shallow.

I will prove you wrong. I cannot accept defeat. No matter where this life would take me, I will never forget these things I had to hear and the pain I had to bear. Who knows? I might just be someone extraordinary just because I heard the truths I didn’t want to hear.